My Pain Doc~HAPPY 2 C me "kinda loaded" ??????????

My Pain Doc~HAPPY 2 C me "kinda loaded" ??????????

~~August 16, 2011~~

Saw my pain doc today,
and OMG, I was talking out my a**
because I was suddenly feeling like I was just looped,
and just basically f'd up, and it's hilarious because
all this time and effort; as long as I wasn't sitting on his sofa barfing in his wastebasket like I did that first visit; yes folks, I was in so much pain--
my response to seve pain is to vomit.

I had walked into his office that first day,
and as he discussed my insurance, or lack thereof,
I had began retching, and then
outright vomiting in his wastebasket.
But with the tapes of my mother playing in my head,
after having slept most of the day really,
of anytime my voice got thick from
the pain medication, guess what???
He was happy to hear it that way,
that it was meaning that I was taking it as directed!!!! 

That maybe it was gettinng to having some side effects,
but given that I have RSD, and as he said,
"You have to whack it with a heavy bat,"
at least I wasn't abusing it--or I would be unconsciouus--
but that it looked like I was heading more towards being
"actually at least some sort of comfortable
I could hear my mom saying faintly,
"druggie, druggie, druggie," 
Yeah, well she was the one who stole
pain medication from her 16 and 17-year old daughter
when her own doctor rightfully cut her off.
Remembering that she is the one with the proboblem,
not me, and that ya know, she is the one who guilted
me into not taking my meds as directed for so long.
I truly hope she never knows the pain of RSD with me anyhow,
she acts like I am not allowed comfort--well, honey,
I got news for you: I not only have the right to it,
I have all along, and you have never had
the right to "guilt me out of it."

So here we are!