Bipolar.....not Invincible

I was diagnosed at age 20 with bipolar,
aka, manic-depression, aka, a lot of stuff,
but I will tolerate manic depression
(like this one best really because it says how I feel),
and bipolar...but watching someone who has it
write out bi-polar for some reason scrawls
like fingernails on a chalkboard, but with RSD many do...
What I hate, and absolutely cannot stand
is the Debra LaFave's, Mary Kay Letorneau's
I am thirty-six, ironically enough, as I write this now,
yet I do not find myself sleeping with teenagers...babies...
(who actually saw some bloody justice, I am sorry).
They used their disorder as an excuse for what they did-
though at least LaFave will admit she does belong
in prison and is lucky not to be there.
It's created a backlash of sex offenders
trying to use bipolar to get out of their offense.

Millions of people like myself and other
family members (who's stories are theirs to tell)...
struggle with this wicked disorder every day.

We fight against the weight gain and
many problems that causes...Oh, like what??
Doctors asking if you want a nutrionist referral...
that at your weight the insurance will pay.
Rude comments from strangers....
It is only the pain from my RSD/CRPS
that my weight even approaches normal!!!!
It involves doctors being afraid to prescribe
proper pain medication because of
fear of interaction with you "psychotropics."

Do they think having bipolar makes me immune
to being treated with such cruellty?
I am not BIPOLAR,
no more than someone with diabetes
is the disease diabetes itself.....
It involves being in screaming pain night after night,
day after day because of your disorder,
you are autmatically labeled a "druggie."
When was the last time I was asked
about the last time I shot up?
The last time I went to an ER.
And having worked as an ER nurse,
contrary to popular belief, they do not have to ask.

Having been "on the other side," I can say for sure
I am always sent for a "psych eval"
before any pain doc will proceed with anything.
I've peed in more cups than you would believe--
probably close to what the average
methadone clinic patient has--they get UA'd daily.
I only know this becuase some kid on the bus told me.
Everything requires a "psych eval" first.
I say, "Oh, you mean the bipolar
that's been in remission for two years?"
No, it wasn't always there.
Yes, I've been to the "psych ward"
and belonged there. More than once.
Guess where I picked up the MRSA
that almost killed me eight months later?
I had to beg the nurse to change the
dressing on my operated site.
They threw the supplies at me and told me to do it myself.
And not because they were aware I knew how.
How many times I belonged in the hospital.
But the insurannce refused payment.
And I was send home. My cats are probably the reason I am alive.

It's why they get $40/15lbs food. They saved my life.
My own family could give a darn.
I've got worse words for them.
I've seen the worst of them...
Friends donate blood for my surgery;
my father is a perfect match,
and he can't be bothered.....
Not for bone marrow, not for blood.

My son's stem cells saved my life
A little cord blood will do (?)
But really, now, I donated for you...
Small price to pay for my life.
I've got to tell you, my own parents would
have seen those comments and thought nothing of them....
my mom migh have pitched a little bit of a fit
to get some borderline attention.
But that's the extent of it.
They say they give a dang.
But when it comes to putting your money
(not literally) where your mouth is, I say, "Pay up or shut up."

When I was in the ICU on a ventilator,
hanging between life and death with MRSA + peritonitis
and sepsis, they did a lot of talking.

I was in Houston.
They were in Seattle.
Neither showed.
It's been like that the whole way down....
even when I was around here.
Right across town.
Neither showed.
So, you who stay, I salute you.
Now that I have RSD, I have to produce a (original)
copy of a letter from my neurologist before I am believed...
I know that is increasing as drug abuse increases....
"crazy" people they doubt first-- Garunteed.
I suffered for four months before
I found a doctor who believed I was sick.
My record had Munchausen Syndrome written in it.
I had lymphoma.